anyway, i got sick on monday. and ive slept and drank soup and has had a lot of time to think. and this is what ive come up with. the best memories i have arent on film, camera or video. which is unfortunate.
on saturday i had one of two grad parties for myself at which my dad gave a speech. he talked about memories he had of me and with me. then at the end he said the day i was born at the hospital, a young dad came up to him and told him to cherish every moment because time goes by fast. and he was really going to miss me. he started to tear up and at first couldnt get those words out. the speech he gave made me, who hadnt cried at graduation or project grad or any time during any graduation event, made me tear up. my dad has never cried openly before. and the first time he did was in front of my whole family. no one got it on tape or film. and it made me realize how much im going to miss my dad next year. and not just my dad, but my whole family.
another memory i have undocumented for are the times i shared with a boy who ive strongly disliked but who possibly meant the most to me out of any guy. lets call him "ian." sure ive had my moments with several guys who have meant a lot to me and ive gone to proms and gone out with other guys. and im not really sure why he means the most. for over a year weve shared secret dates, kisses, experiences, and other unnamely things, and at the same time, ive gone through a lot of hurt and frustration with him. im not sure how im going to forget him or get over him. im not sure if i want to forget him. i dont know anything anymore. i think about him all the time and at the same time i wish i didnt. for the first couple of times i tried to get over him, i almost succeeded and then he brought me back down to where i started. soon i just stopped trying and surrendered. im not sure if you (whoever "you" reading this is) understand this anymore, so i guess now ill just stop.
posted by your favorite acquaintance @ 9:07 PM
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